See the picture above? yeah... i honestly like the landscape, feel so peace whenever i stare at the sky and sea.. I love BEACH !!
Well... Am able to relax myself, after all. My final was over and yeah, i dump myself in holiday mode now... I've been truly exhausted probably my restless weeks, used up too many energy, but no worries as i'm charging myself fully now before i start do my lesson again. Ahoho, i practically did nothing other than sleep, eat, read and whole bunch of NOTHING.. Urgh... Just done one book.. Oh, i took 3 months to finish reading a book.. How time consumed har..? hehe.. Nah, i'm not exaggerating.
Have plenty things to do throughout the semester, people keep saying how busy they were and all or so i've been told. Okie, i got what you guys mean. was bombarded lots of stuff. We're here to busy aren't we? Imagine of those busy-ness really kills my brain cells... better don't !
I HATE MY COLLEGE!!!!!! STUPID COLLEGE, never thinks of student's right.. It happens to be now i can't choose my major ANYMORE!!! *middle finger*
Oh ya... see, this is my new appearance of blog. Sigh, thats all i could make for my pity baby blog, i'm not talented in doing this. It took me 24 hours to repair my blog's face. I was just paint it with the light color and hopes the color could make my readers reading happily.. Hi mind you, color is an important element to cheer a person.. *raise eyebrows*
So random now, just typing as my heart tells. Lol.. ;-)
Relax? No way, there are many things come simultaneously and continuously. FYI, i'm looking forward to step out from my staying area and walking out here, get more environment. Hehe..
p/s: There is an accusation of the small matter, that turns into a massive fight. Where is d trusty? I'm sick of it. It makes me taken back whenever i try to picture it.. awww, how bad it feels.
We all keep saying, trusty is important to link people and now i realized that, it is kinda hard to establish.. To be frank, u gotta believe it. Trust is an expectation that another party will not allow you to be harmed at a time when you are vulnerable. Your willingness to trust another party is affected by your history with that party and your personality.Yes, i do agree. But then, i wonder how to make people trust me, fully ;-(
Is there anyone out there know what is sympathetic division? Its when the nervous system prepares you for stressful situation and mainly it lower down your metabolism rate, and make you more alert. Yeah, this is what i feeling now.. I'm tired. Please come clean to me, my brain is in a mash ald.
One said, when trust has been violated in an important relationship, it should be repaired. But then, its not as easy as that and I'm tired to make one's believe me anymore, after all. I've out of idea, to persuade other put the trust in me.
Ooh.... No, it should comes naturally without any pre-effort. No point, if we keep on debating just to draw back a circle line if it doesn't look like round shape. Yeah, have to agree in which, building trust in relationships need considerable effort, commitment and time.
I've plenty of time, but how may hours i can give? It remains as a question... Bring out an issue. The issue isn't whether or not people have negative emotions about changing, it's how people deal with them. Build a knowledge of how to established trusty have many representing ways and skills. Maybe i use the wrong one or.
I've no alternative to help myself.. or maybe I've given up. I'm trying, often in my days... I'm just silent with many combination of thoughts and efforts,but who know? Who can read a boy's mind?
And its nice to know when someone doesn't trust you anymore.. LOL
It comes to the corner, for us to greet goodbye to 2009 and hugs the coming of a new year. Just wait. One more month and the calendar will come to its end.
Time flies like an arrow, leaving fast without knowing by us. I have to admit it and I’m now 19, maturity is obviously, should have. Yeah, I’m no longer an under-aged guy. I can step in club officially and legally. Few more days will be the starting of my finals… a nightmare?No... I just can’t wait to finish my entire exam and I can take a breath… I always can’t wait for my exam, typical me. Don’t you heard before, the longer we wait, the more nervous we are. So, just do it. It has been my pandemic.
On my studies… I believe that, I have tried my very best. I’m kind of greedy when it comes to studies since I was secondary 4. I crave for top, always going up to higher rank. People say I’m crazy, because those who said it were normally the last. Haha… I accomplished what I wanted, I guess, oh... but still disappointed with minor of them… quite disappointed. I used to start and start earlier than other, no no no, I don’t found any problem here… I’m the first mover, remember? So, I tend to be more alert. Is it alert? Or I’m kiasu kind? Whatever, u ain’t marking my life…
While, my circle of friend remain d same anyway. My college friends and some Malay friends, forget to tell, i've some happened to be my friend but they are racist. *kicked* Cant blame them, not my stuff. Well, I’m not that choosy when it comes to making friend as long as you really treat me as friend. Im ok with it... But please don’t expect too much from me. I’m no longer a Mr. nice like I did before. I can picture some in my mind, where it’s pointless to treat people nicely even you know they just take you as so-so friend. It tasted awful and I won’t like a fool, never. I’m so protective toward myself ever since. I’m easy to approach no doubt, but you got me no point I tell you even once my friends told, I’m too hard for them to study, because I choose who to tell and keep. I’m smart in this. But for sure, I know who can be my true friend and who can be my friend. As simple as that, easy thing to get in mind. Not to forget, i love all my bloggers. You know who you are.. looking forward to meet uols, Thx for being such concern and friendly =)
My family? Too many things to catch up and this year isn’t a luck year for my family I would say. Calamities keep flooding over… anyhow, everything was past, and we still managed to curve it with a cover page. Nothing much to link..
Good news for myself, I become brighter than my previous year. I smiles more than last year, maybe there was some interludes, bringing me sweet and happy memories. I will never forget, it will be always sweet memories for me, either sad or happy, still it is a memory. Thanks… for those who taught me the meaning of love, the dentition of tender and the acts of caring. You’ll always with me no matter what…. *winked*
Sure, I have my sadness month as well. There is no-one, who manage to act happy throughout the whole year. Human being builds up with feeling also… I was saddened by something bad… It somehow brings me to the abyss, felt like I was in an appalling predicament. Feels helpless... Nobody give me a hand at the moment, because I never tell anyone. Oh no, I told some about my stories and glad to have them, to be with me, ride though all the sadness day. I’m tired , to be an actor for movie call life. We can disguise no doubt, but we can never fool our self. So, you can never know a 19 years old boy might cry like baby. Life had implied me plenty of stuff and the tone of life somehow not understandable, resulted in me lost too many thing one go. See, how silly life is and morbid to entertain people like fool…
Robert Frost once said, keep the sweetest moments we ever had and make sure we remember the happy period of time but, we should keep those are bad as well, study them and be friend with them… don’t threw those sad memory away, the more you want to forget, the harder you are.
Yap, I personally agree with it. So, I choose to remember instead of forget, store in the deepest part of me. Because we can never erase the things that happened in life, or we’ll live in heartless life, it happens every time when we recall back the whole accident. The sight of those things gives me so many emotions, mostly sadness but also happiness. Sometime sweet and happy memories might give a sad impact to emotion. Believe me, I trust it!
I’m tending to be more looking at the bigger picture. I think from perspective views just to draw a perfect line in the middle for myself to not doing over, either less. Don’t always go for minor but major also. LIFE is easy but it isn’t as simple as we thought. Never, we need to commit so many many with life. So, I view life from different aspects now, wider our view, the bigger landscape will be snapped, the more experience we gather, it paid off in the end. I like to take an unusual route. I don’t like following, I walk by my own.
Wow, my hand is getting tired. It is a lot man.. Okie, I’m just too many feeling want to spray out before I start my exam and my blog will be quite silent for a month time. I take this opportunity to blog more, to pen more…
I need fresh air to breathe in. I need new environment, for awhile to restart my brain setting before I dump back to my college in new semester… My entire semester was dragging me to hell but I love the schedule, it was packed. It filled every minute of mine. I was so busy, this is undoubtedly inevitable but yet happy.
Hi.. I’m back to this atmosphere again to pen down my words- translating them into readable sentences. Was so busy lately… busying with my college works like hell man, it was really a silent killer. Aiks, too serious la !! anyway, I’m able to breathe away now. At least, I stop for awhile to blog something here.
Yap, my birthday was pretty nice and I’m officially 19 now. Maybe it still regards as young but maturity and responsibility should be built, to develop myself into a better boy. Thanks i say to my friends for celebrating my birthday and gifts, love ya. And, not to forget friends from friendster, facebook and tagged… Oops, how could I forgotten, my beloved readers here. Thanks for the wished. Haha...
This is my first year, where I’ve received my presents and gifts more than 15 items. Lol… Books, tees, shorts, food, case, stationary, shoes, toys, snoopies, belt, chocolate (my favorite) and perfume.See, it was great and the atmosphere was simply joyful and nice. *like*
Nothing from my parents, feel weird? It was okie for me, I never expects them to give me anything since I have their tenderness all this while, thats enough! My mom, talked to me,during my birthday night… hmmm, ya, I could still recall back what she had said to me vividly. Just had my mother-to-son talk with her. I was touched yet I still acted like nothing happened. My parents didn’t buy me anything as once I told them I wanted to have a new cell phone or I craved for a new watch… It doesn’t affect me at all because I clearly know myself, it was only my jokes that simply came out myself.
They cooked the meal I love the most, I know it was already my gift they tried to give me and I have to accept the fact- we are not from rich background.
Mom, don’t worry, I would never ask for a luxury life like other did because, I have my consideration and I’m no longer a kid. I have my own life criteria that guide myself, it as if a mirror, to reflect the real me front of me, to differentiate with another kid. I don’t ask much but caring me until the end of day.
God treats me well enough...
You both give me life, and I appreciate it.This Love will carry me through all the hardship’s that life has to offer. It is a love that is freely given and never taken back. It is a part of urs that has given me your looks, that somewhat awkward smile, the essence of life itself... I try my best to make my parents feel loved, although I’m not always sign letters to them withmy love but deep inside, I do really love just that the trend makes me feel so weird if I say ‘ I love you’ to them. Haha…
Yes, I have to admit that i got into a heated argument with my parents, and it resulted in them saying that they wish they never had us. I was kinda mad in a way but once I think the issue in return, they will be the one who hurts the most as they guiding us like baby until now and yet, we are still like BABY, never acts like the better one. They were both failing as a parent, they are investing in me their very best, and sure I had no doubt that they truly care of me.
Thx….
p/s: Anyhow, my wishes still not come true yet or it'll never come =((
Hi there all my readers... I'll turns 19 officially by tomorrow, its an additional. I wish myself happy birthday in advance... I used to have plenty of hopes and wishes in previous. I'm greedy in craving, can't help tho. But i cant seem to give much to myself this year... or i just afraid of lost... High expectations always taste awful in the end. Anyway, I'll be more responsible to myself and to be a better man... for myself, for my family, for my friend, for my future and you....
Time goes by a lot slower when you miss the one you love, i know what it feels-to be frank, its really a silent killer that separate your mind and your body itself.. Beyond your control, everything popping out here and there never rest even when we are asleep, you know why? Urgh, they will always come to your dreamland, think too much!! Sigh, I'm just wonder.. wonder why i don't have these all feeling during my first relationship? Is it means i was not really in love with my first or it was a puppy love... The whole world seems depopulated, when someone is missing. Isn't a sin for making people miss a you such deep, there are no true and false but the degree of love you invest in your love will do.
I like you from the first day I saw your beutiful eyes. I admire you from the second time i saw your blissful smiles. I miss you from the third week we shaked hand and so-called held. I think of you from the fith time you sat besides me. And now, I love you from the first time you made my heart beat so fast and made me blushing...
I couldn’t let know; how many love i give to you, how damn am i missing you, how deep is my feeling toward you,how big is my heart for you, how much is my tenderness i post to you,
but I'll be the one who will never move away from your sight, as long as I'm still have the will to do so... You can easily found me whenever you're not doing well..
I'm sorry for not updating my blog quite awhile.. Was busying myself in many many matter- or i'm just trying to find something to distract myself. I guess i've failed to do so as everything still, in sixes and sevens.
It’s never easy when a relationship ends. Whatever the reason for the split – and whether or not you wanted it – the breakup of a long-term, committed relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. Hiding our self in room, wet our pillow or blanket by crying all the time, woke up suddenly in the midnight whenever dream of them, and again a sleepless day after it. As my friend once told, everything things that have happened or potentially happen are all the way, setting by God. Its so called providence. I don't bother to learn it and i trust myself more. I trust God as well, in another way, different angle.
I'll always ask myself, Why do breakups hurt so much, even when the relationship is no longer good? I still cant give myself a clear answer. Those questions are not registered well in my mind. Maybe i never think of it? No... i think but it'll be a question which remains no answer still, as love makes us blind. We cant evaluate- which one is bad or good by the time you've falling in love, everything is nice in your eyes i would say.
I read a post in newspaper today, an article pointed out breakup is painful because it means we loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams,commitments and communication but i really don't get it much, or I've my own explanation for the title. Yes, it might be correct but not for me.
Hmm... A breakup brings unclear about the future, the day after day- tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow. What will life be like without our love one, life still going as usual but we do feel so lonely, empty, so lost or some might feel angry or anxious if they are the heartbroken. But for me, somehow i try to not angry or hate that someone who had broken my heart, instead I'll take it as a lesson of my life, a tutorial for my future preparation, to love again or being love, once again. Pointless to hate that someone who you used to love before, the one you miss everyday or the one who sweet to you, I'll be a great loser. Dont !!!
I realised the fact, which is two person used to be a couple before would never be friend any longer as they hate each and other. Hmmm...This time, i get it. i can understand the scenario anywhere if there are really problem occurs by the time or the way the ended up the relationship. So, the way you saying goodbye to your relationship(partner) is kind of studies, a lesson which is waiting for us , to discovey, to study, to acknowledge how important is it.
I urged, never treat your partner like a toy or substitution. Or else you'll be cursed untill the day you die. And this will be another issue in whilst.
Try to love them more before you know the love is gonna over, be good and try to use a light tone when you feels like ending up a relationship. Reason(s) should be clear and understandable by your partner. 1 changing to 2, that brings significant definition to us. People are sensitive. So we should have a good consideration- to make people sense that you got the heart implement any single thing...
We live, we life, we lark, we laugh but remember we love(in relationship side).
Love is a big thing, after family and career and studies.
I believe we are born to love and being love,
We might meet calamities, blocker or hacker in my jouney but as long as you willing to ride though, you'll reach the destination you craves before. Live always make delusive, we cant help much because its call life. Problem will keep on kicking in, just shift the way you are, to make the road ahead clear. Its all depends on you. Life takes a turn unexpectely, we gonna lean how to guide ourself.
============================================================= I'm here again to post my daynews. Should i say HI? Aiks, apparently.
It's been quite awhile i didn't write any news here. Not that I've nothing to say but I've limited time and I've no intend to post. I hate cracking my head to blog while my mind is not on my desk. Its pretty bad to force myself. What a life? Interesting eh? LOL. See, so fake!!!
Everyday, all the way fills by hectic and exhaustion. Hmm.. shouldn't sounds it as if I'm the only one burying in work all the time, perhaps somebody outside even worst than me. And now I'm typing here is following what my mind can catch up so it'll be quite random and themeless.
I'm so bad temper nowadays and easily frustrated. I've no idea why. Easy to get mad, thinks I'm crazy. Mind is somehow at six and sevens. Sigh, what medicine should i takes to get rid all of these pandemic of mine? I straight off to bed after class and sleep like there're no tomorrow these few days. I'm just feels so tired. Sometime i throws question to myself as why i just insisted to sleep earlier everyday so that i can be sooo energetic in the next day, my head is still generating the answer. I stays up late frequently-almost everyday, I just cant sleep.
Everyday seems a typical for me. Doing the same thing in the same time- perhaps things get done by the EXACTLY same timing. Guess what? Boring life it calls.
How am i supposes to formulate my schedule? I'm so busying with my family stuff, my college stuff and so on... Guess i had fully utilize me time in the pass days but it was not as nice as i thought especially these few days.
I'm so welcoming by Emo. I feels happy and enjoyed when i was with my friends, went for movies or ktv or dinning or gym recently but so suck my bad feels hit me back when I'm all alone. I used to smile everyday and jokes all i want but............ (stop). So sad to tell but its too true to be told. Paranoid swept over me again. I'm just feel that why i always flooded by these kind of stuff. I was trying to dislodge all my fucking stuff in my head- a feeling of suspicion. But HOW? I mused but tongue-tied again. Trying to picture out what have happened recently- and Omgosh, it was a lot man. But its better to keep all inside. Everything of it can be a HEADLINE. You wouldn't gear how crazy it sounded right-?
Also I'm not feeling well since Friday but i lazy to tell-or nothing to catch up much. Just my own business. People would never bother to know more about it. I want to hid everything because they are not proud to let know and i have no intend to do so. Mean. Please... is there anyone out there able to etch my mind? I'll pay you if you really do it for me =)
*Sidetracked*
College works isn't that tough as i thought or maybe I've been trained before how to respond with different scenarios. Anyhow, things happened beyond my control limit as well, so sad right? What can i do further? Moan lo. Assignments are in my hand now, I'm starting dump myself in assignment mood since last week. I wants all the things get done before the date. I hate last minute ald. I know it'll never generates any quality work. Its undoubtedly inevitable guys.
I craves for a nice trip probably only myself, be a backpacking just for a week time and travel around within peninsular(cheaper ma). Perhaps after my exam.. I really need it as I'm so boring in a way staying here... Fucking Boring =FORING.
As I'm typing now, my body has hints me that I'm on the periphery to get sick. I just know. I keep on drinking water.... I don't wanna get sickness now.
Also, i really miss my someone. Please don't ask who is the one. It'll always remains as a secret. I smile when i got their texts. But i don't smiles much these two weeks. I've run out of idea to entertain myself, to draw a smile face at my face. My mind is vague.
====================================================== I also have my history, my pass life or the time i went through last 18 years. It consists of sweet and sour stuff and when i says i don't know how to respond because it seems completely ridiculous. We're human being who cannot makes everything perfect. Me too. I've my ability limit as well.
The longest relationship i have accomplished was one year. I guess so. I loved this girl almost nine years. No further detail here, am not love story telling now. Surely, for the past few years it hasn't been easy to me. (randomness)
We burying our self in many many works whenever we're sad, still it cannot distract us sometimes. Anyway, a couple of days later, and it was still playing on my mind. I've been really patient with this when the subject is brought up and i try to be comforting reminding myself to not fool myself again. I'm the decision maker,whether to forget or not but the thing seems like to hang around and hit you back when you're doing alone. Sigh!
Somehow, i found out there is a contradiction here when one wise person once said, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it"
**Funny right?? So forget or remember? How to respond?? ======================================================
One of my friend asked me through facebook, how was i get rid from my broken relationship. Its been half year ago and now i have the answer for her.
'' Once you've fallen in a new relationship or when you sense a feeling of love, you'll forget your ex. I cant promise it'll clearly remove from your life,cuz they're the person who had created memories with you either sweet- or bad but still, its a memory. We could never erase our mindset.''
And now, which left me with little way of distractions, I've forgotten my X relationship.
Forgetting the pass and now I've new life.
I need love.. I'm demanding love i need someone who take care of me or i can take care of. And i found one who is potentially...We always get things out into the open and discuss them.
I realize everyone has history, and it should stay in the past where it belongs, but sometimes when it pops into my mind briefly, its hard to get rid of the thought. I know that it may be because its still quite fresh in my mind, as its only a few weeks ago that I was told all this, and I've noticed that it is fading away gradually, but I just want to help it along the way and put it aside.
I like the words in this song, melts heart.
''If the road ahead is not so easy, Our love will lead the way for us Like a guiding star''
NOTHING'S GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU
If I had to live my life without you near me The days would all be empty The nights would seem so long With you I see forever oh so clearly I might have been in love before But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young And we both know they'll take us Where we want to go
(Chorus 1) Hold me now Touch me now I don't want to live without you
(Chorus 2) Nothing's gonna change my love for you You ought know by now how much I love you One thing you can be sure of I'll never ask for more than your love
(Chorus 3) Nothing's gonna change my love for you You ought know by now how much I love you The world may change my whole life through But nothing's gonna change my love for you
If the road ahead is not so easy, Our love will lead the way for us Like a guiding star I'll be there for you if you should need me You don't have to change a thing I love you just the way you are So come with me and share the view I'll help you see forever too
