Being Alone

Talking about Alone. Yup, i used to be alone ever since i was young. True, and my mum always asked me to join social clubs when i was primary and played with neighbour's child and cousins..... I just didn't. A loner, isn't bad character at all. Its my instinct, i've no idea with it. A loner able to enjoy the happiness in their own life as well as others. I can be so intangible, nobody can be my insurer. Staying alone always given me ample time to think about things. We gonna learn how to think, really!

Here we go...

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=I went to catch up with a couple movie in cinema alone, i CAN.
@Reason
I'm so insufferable enough to call up group of people, going to cinema together BUT discuss and NEGOTIATE what movie to watch, in front of the counter and turns out no conclusion in the end. So pissed off. I rather choose what i gonna watch and grab my ticket, get a popcorn and cup of drink, enter d hall searching for my seat. Thts kinda relax i tell you !!


=I shopping 24/7 at everywhere shooping mall alone, i CAN.
@Reason
I would never feel guilty to persuade myself shopping with me. My body is with me. Haha!! I need to have space and time to do my shopping. I'll feel kinda sorry if there are someone perhaps my friend waiting for me. I am so insolvency to that friend. Lol =) Also, i can't intent on my work i would say. So, it isn't that bad, shopping alone. YES, i agree reluctantly. *blinks*


=I took breaskf, lunch, dinner anywhere all the way by myself, i CAN.
@Reason
Drive myself to the place i wanted to go, sit down and order my meals. Thats easy life i craves. I'm not trying to singularize with other but ya, eating alone silently once in a while making you so amphetaimined sometimes. Isn't it?


=I off to silence site, have a drink and have a view outside d building, alone, i CAN.
@Reason
We need to rest, stop to walk for awhile. Scanning at others, see how they rush their life - how they walk - how they look like when they acknowledge that people are wacthing at them. We found out its beauty and exultation but still, existence of eyesores always here and there. Who knows, it'll be our turns one day, watching by other, observes by other. Human are bombarded with lotsa of problems. We might lost ourself in life but we need to learn how to get rid of those hardness in life, study the problematic of life before u becomes immobilization to clicking life. I'm 19y/o now, and i starts to realise that a person can't be unsophisticated. *Geez*


See..


I am not a weird people, I'm running my life jauntily. lol =) I would never immure myself in a fixed circle.Its not devastated cuz i used to doing whatever i wanted to do.I'm stil myself, i have many boon companion and friends, d issue is, i need to be alone when i think thats d time for me to be alone. People say, we need to make many many friends ,holding a long term friendship, yes i did it unquestionably. Different human dress up different mindsets, interest and views, i like friends but i loves alone also.

p/s: Eager to start my Uni life. *Sigh*

Its notifiable

Again, i'm here. I like blogging. Its seem an alternative mediun to tell my life stories, which i never say it out face-to face to anyone. Study week started, will having my final on this upcoming August. Haiz, amazing how time flies just like this.

Oh yeah, one of my friend threw me a question last week. He found out that i'm so mysterious guy who make him felt like i've looked myself in my own.. Am i? Maybe he was right... Think of it, first impression of me to my friends are, laugh non-stop guy and talkactive right? But, here is a question to be answered. Am i talking all the way including d stuff hiden deeply inside me? No, i guess definitely. I'm a pretentious guy. I have tons of friends who used to talk, laugh and jokes but its about our life-stuff not MY life stuff. I'm sorry if i did created any delusive to uols that i'm so outie. Ya, i'm friendly if u're friendly as well. I'm open whenever i am with my friends but no matter how open was it, it has a line!!!!

I've too much rubbish around me. I dislike my relatives, i hate them. I feels tiresome toward some of my friends. I need to wear mask whenever we have a so-called Big family reunion dinner for the sake of pretend myself, protect myself. Their tartness would really make u feel uncomfortable. Not all but majority of them. Wistful !! And ya, i ever think before why i am not a STRAIGHT A's student so that they could shut-up forever or tongue-tied for awhile atleast to let my parents feels better. In fact, i'm not. Sigh.

FRIEND, on the other hand can push and pull you up and down, so be careful when you choose one. I don't have intention to blame anyone, but frankly my feelings and they way i treats them will change by the way they treated me. I've my own mini life so please don't step into or emerge in my life and raving inside a circle of mine, thats enough. Somehow, you're gone beyond mine for today and i'm still, acts like normal. BUT, dont try my patience. It has limits.

Again, to those cynics, You'll pay for it whatever you have said. I'm still spry enough now who knows one day i would success so don't be so astounded with the fact by that time i really am. So, before you die, STOP RUBBISHY. I hate upbraid. I'm tends to be more peaceful and silence. Shemozzle isn't my hobby.

I LOVE both of pic above... Its mine =) It turns my mood !!

I hopes i'm a hedonist one day in future life, i crave for it.

Time with a cup of Coffee. I wrote my feelingss.

I don't know why. All the humans are dozing like dead zombies but me, still sitting front my pc and blogging. I' so think that my life is a mess, filled with strees these few days. Its all out of my control range. I PITY MYSLEF.!!! My smiling will so LOL or just a fake plastic?? I used to laugh, smiles but who know i'm bleeding inside? Have i need to mention if i'm sad? No... And ya,no one could understand what actually went wrong with me and whats up in my mind, even myself. I'm kinda paranoid. I cant trust myself because sometimes feeling cheated me and gives a lie. I feels so lethargic. I hate the current me. I cant have my confidence back. Tons of things seem appear in my entire life. Its ALOT. Flabbergasted enough, why i could just become like this just like the way i am now. I felt my life is kinda disconnected.Problems seemed to evoke dynamically. It have been afflicted me. So numd now. I'm so poor. I really poor. I was always unable to overcome my aekwardness. Somehow, i'm trying now. trying very hard, i know i can make it.

'' Try and think about it. If your heart is closed don't lock it. Keep your keys back in ur pocket, think this though please stay with me, just stay with me. I promise i'll take you to foreverland, just stay''

It isn't a customary for me to love someone, so just don't make me have a phobia against love again. I might hard to gain ur love but i hope we'll always be good.

I cant bear to take you out from my life because i know, i'll so lifeless if ur no longer in my mind. I'll definitely lose myself if i can't dream of you, i'll feel dismay if i can't think of you when i'm missing you. Eventually, i pointed out. Would you become my store- room just to keep my broken heart or you'll never be mine? Couldn't catch my breath soon enough to respond to myself.

I wants you you to forget all ur passed just to be with me but can you do that? Okie, maybe you can't just erase ur histories just like that i understand but atleast, I say ATLEAST. Or one day you 're be mine, i wants you to dress up a new life. I know u might been hurt by other before so now i'm here to replace them.. REPLACE? No, i don't wanna be a only replacement but i want you accept me by ur whole heart, shower me with ur true love because i'm doing these all now to you.Its really sad if i'm only a shield of you,to spend ur boring lifetime.Don't okie? Ya, i might be a nonenity in ur life but you're nonsuch for me. You know?

I trying and trying and trying, i wishes one day you can totally be mine. Only belongs to GAZY... Mature's thinking overcome me within these 3days, is it totally overcomes? No i guess. But im mature abit. I know, i grew. In fact, i'm in process to become mature people. I need to. I know it could be my strength in my future. I'm still a small boy who used to think nth before. A guy who likes to laugh, make jokes around and smiles with his trackmark smiling style! I don't want everything turn out complicated utterly at time .My mind ,body, heart are getting tired and deteriorating.

I'm in an appalling predicament, i need someone i need the most to comfort me. To plant a love tree for me. I'm in abyss now ........ Everything seem so grey and ambiguously!

=listen to the songs that remind me of you.. again and again Countless, endless............ And its twilight comes by the time i finished my post. I miss you already ...

Its hard to crave what we want?

It hasn't been easy for me these few days. I don't know why. Its been a long time people say things about what is behind my back, people will always find something weird in me, of me and about me. I 've nothing to say cuz i don't know what else i could say and what to respond. To be frank, we could hardly control others' mouth. They say what they wanted to say and i accepted and digested. I don't know why, but ya, sometimes i found that where life tends to be the way of how we wanted it to be. Seriously. And, i have a big picture in mind although i try kinda hard to not too dwell on it.I hopes , miracles would emerged one day. I'm a melodramatic guy before this but now, i changed. I've no idea with it tho but i know i've changes alots.

My mind was at sixes and seven. I so confused and i've been thinking alots. I wonder howcome my small cranium could stored such zillion of things.

I blog this entry, just wants to write it down to release what i feel inside. Finally i exploded.

Tell you, my first love took me 8 years but we weren't date in the first 6years. Pity? I'm silly. I'm stupid to have a relationship like this. A gurl i loved the most and she was my first love. People do say, first love is unforgettable.We created a lot of sweet memories back in the days.I have to admit it. True. But it ended up just like this in the end! Like what? Like a story without an ending but in fact, the screne shown 'THE END''. I dont think its the ideal version which people craving for. Me? Everything seemed ungovernable. I'm STUPID enough.

I believe in love at first sight. Is anyone out there believe the existence of love at first sight? I love you since i met you. I could hardly falling in love with anyone.

I found one who are so important in my life now CURRENTLY. I never thought that i could fallen in love such deep. I cant help. I miss you everyday every hour even minutes. I cant get you out of my mind eventhough i'm studying, driving, sleeping.... I know we're from different timeline but i don't care much. I want you. Ever since i know you, i couldn't have a nice sleeping time. I cant fall asleep because i keep thinking of you and i saw a shadow outside my window and was you. It was a dream. I stored all the texts you sent me,read again and again. It makes me smiled blissfully. Somehow, I'm young as i'm still 19y/o, i might be not mature enough to get any relationship but my heart is pain when i think of you. I love you, truly deeply i say this. I'm not the kind who can flirting here and there and fishing others simultaneously. Sorry i'm not.

I need to hid everything in my real life. Always being sigh-ing isn't good to myself so does humans around me. I love you just like the way i love myself or it just more than i can say. I guess myself, will agree enthusiastically. The way you smiles and laughs even when you talked to me, you're melting my heart. I'm so hopeless to get fairy-tale's love. I know its impossible for me to have one. You would never know, i miss you like crazy sometimes even myself have no idea how to allevaite it from aggravating.

I miss everything of you because you're good in everything,i need to point out. Its just insuperable. Usually brightness will become a tool to wake myself up every morning from my window. Open both of my eyes and i'll definitely checking my phone's status, it becomes my routine. Waiting for ur message. We are not really so in sms-ing. Sometime you might reply me late or suddenly lost contact or fell asleep without telling me and making me stayed up late just to wait for ur reply, but i'm still happy. Waited for no reason but i still managed to persuade myself to not get angry. I really do. Sometimes i emo, i mused, i pictured ,but it was YOU, appears in my mind. Too many things can easily remind me of you. The songs you like, the jokes we made.......

I pity myself , am i clapping one hand all the way by myself or i just a carefree that u'll never think of? I've no comment if you are thinking that way, due to i'm not nice people and i'm not rich, i am not attractive and i'm suck. Paranoid swept over me again. And ya, i was trying to dislodge all the stupid feeling of mine. I tried but its hard.I don wanna get maim in the end, no one will synpathize! Failed to saporific myself to get rid stupidness of mine, i need some helps. I'm getting deeper in love obliviously, honestly.

I've a nightmare of love. I've phobia. Now, my love is here for you. Is there any prescription to perpetuate my strong feeling toward you?? I don't wanna miss my feeling. I want it being insusceptible.

Its my purest of love. I say it, i meant it . Thanks for entering my life. I smiles everyday but only myself know, i'm quite LOL inside....

Relief from the abyss?

Both pictures above was taking randomly in class ONLY.

I've been truly exhausted by now probably used up too much energy in completing my works... Tons of it, piles of it !!! To be frank, i was way so kinda lazy to even move my ass to make this post. *tsk tsk*

I finished all my assignments officially by today. I could able to breath away after this i guess. Oops no. It hasn't comes to the end yet as the finals will be more or less few weeks, catch me up sooner or later. *Sighs* What a life, interesting? Light? Idk ...

My face are so like a dead zombie since i didn't had enough sleep,i've to admit that i'm totally pathetic just to prepare my assignments last minutes. I actually sucks of ranting and i wasn't being emotional, it had debaunched my mood. *bastard* I've nothing to say although there're lots to bring out but i just dont want. As long as my works get done perfectly by my own in the end. But truth be told, i'll more alert from now onward and ya, i'll treat people just like the way they treated me. I need to formulate again, my attitude so does my evaluation's toward others.I've been burying all these things. Cuz,I've no intention to blame anyone, because that wasn't a big sins tho. *tongue-tied*

I'm kind. In fact, too kind! Disappoinment flooded through me. I'm no longer Mr. friendly and Mr.kind !! You might need to be mentally prepare for it. Am not shabby but kinda tired and i seriously need a pause for a second in my life, to reload myself =) *crosses finger*

Enough to say, i rather save my energy than to waste them by ranting and talking nonsense here, saving my energy to MISS SOMEONE WHO I MISS THE MOST RIGHT NOW. And to uols, my beloved readers, i'm just typing here as random as i can get. You might puzzled with my statement and i'm sorry if i do confusing uols. *blinks*

Well, i've been missing in blog's world for few weeks and thanks uols who concerns and cares of my life and blog. Appreciate it honestly =) Although my post sound so down, but i'm happy as a bird also sometimes because i'm not alone. I'm with YOU =) *bby*