My life with sorrowness

I'm sorry, my post today will be so sad :(

I feel bad, seriously! This few months stresses me in its way, that i never know i could be. God, don't be too cruel to me.. *praying*

I have too many problems with me, and i couldn't find a way to release them out. I feel so paranoid, i easily frustrated lately and i started to not addressing any trust in everyone, even myself! What the fuck is this damnit feeling. I hate myself, i can't help but i do really hate for such a useless me.

My eyes welled up with tears yet i smile. This is the way i pretend myself, and i'm a good in it. I don't know if i do really cry, perhaps crying inside, only god knows of it.

I was saddened by all the things that happened to me recently :(

I need a lot of money, like seriously, for myself and for my family, that's all i can say! I feel so stupid, as other who same age with me are starting finding money by their own, but how about me?

I can't even help myself, what say my family??

My mind is vogue, i couldn't sleep well for the past weeks, i ever stayed up and sitting just to think of my problems, how to get it solved and ended up, i disappointed with myself.

I'm in mazed, life seems so hard and mercilessly requires me to go thru alot of barriers.

Sigh..... I'm so dead meat now, like a zombie without any emotion!

No body knows if fish is crying, as if nobody knows i'm sorrow inside. A smiling face doesn't mean i'm happy,

Cuz there is no point telling to peers and family members, if you know they can't give you any help.

I'm nt asking for sympathy, i'm just finding a medium to pour my feeling out ...

My life with leaving h.o.m.e

Its me first time feel like blogging after such a long time being idle. I’m not lazy, okay! You have to believe this.

The past few days I have gotten to be the busiest so far throughout the year 2011. In a span of few weeks, I covered a Chinese new year (preparation and visiting), heading to a new environment (Subang) and busy moving in and all. In hindsight, my brain’s close to whacking, it’s kinda normal for me to bump into sleeping all time I guess, after my classes.

Owh ya, my first semester kicked of last month, I skipped three classes as I only came faculty late after cny. I have to admit this; I could hardly catch the class at first, hopefully everything turns better next week.

Back to the title. The title seems to explain my predicaments. Yeah, life here is kinda of difficult. Maybe it’s not that difficult, or maybe I just not yet adapt with it. Okay, let’s put this way, I have to walk all d way from my rental house to my campus under the sun, rain and all ; I have to face with different new faces and meet everything and everyone I not used to, there more to story about but for the moment I will be skipping and skipping my post. What make feel hurts d most is, I’ve discard my family, i stay outside alone without family. I miss home L Be serious, no joke (insert a VERY SERIOUS face to tell you how serious I am)

I sleep, I wake up, I off to campus, I have my meal, I have my Internet time. So I plain English, it’s just my routine after minus a companion of family but plus togetherness of friends.

I reckon one thing, that when we are away from something or someone, we tend to miss the thing and that person more than when we’re being together.

I have been truly exhausted by now probably, used up too much energy. Well, it doesn’t matter. I’m still young and steady. What’s most important thing now is to focus on my studies and be the best(try to).

I know I can make it, I used to be.

Your smiles can brighten any moment,
Your hugs put joy in all my days,
Your love will stay with me forever
And touch my life in precious ways...

H.O.M.E , a place like no other J