My life with sorrowness

I'm sorry, my post today will be so sad :(

I feel bad, seriously! This few months stresses me in its way, that i never know i could be. God, don't be too cruel to me.. *praying*

I have too many problems with me, and i couldn't find a way to release them out. I feel so paranoid, i easily frustrated lately and i started to not addressing any trust in everyone, even myself! What the fuck is this damnit feeling. I hate myself, i can't help but i do really hate for such a useless me.

My eyes welled up with tears yet i smile. This is the way i pretend myself, and i'm a good in it. I don't know if i do really cry, perhaps crying inside, only god knows of it.

I was saddened by all the things that happened to me recently :(

I need a lot of money, like seriously, for myself and for my family, that's all i can say! I feel so stupid, as other who same age with me are starting finding money by their own, but how about me?

I can't even help myself, what say my family??

My mind is vogue, i couldn't sleep well for the past weeks, i ever stayed up and sitting just to think of my problems, how to get it solved and ended up, i disappointed with myself.

I'm in mazed, life seems so hard and mercilessly requires me to go thru alot of barriers.

Sigh..... I'm so dead meat now, like a zombie without any emotion!

No body knows if fish is crying, as if nobody knows i'm sorrow inside. A smiling face doesn't mean i'm happy,

Cuz there is no point telling to peers and family members, if you know they can't give you any help.

I'm nt asking for sympathy, i'm just finding a medium to pour my feeling out ...