Choking To death

Harlo.. I know. I've been missing for quite awhile ,No.. Its just a month i guess. I was just too BUSY with my current life and i've to admit, my life style changes alots compared to before. Never been this tired =)
I seriously said this, i've no extra times to breath away. *Geez*

My new semester started last last week and everything seemes fine so far but to be frank,its kinda tiring. Received my results last week. I was not shocked but just lil disappointed will do when i got it in hand. Maybe you'll curses me for still, not sactisfies with my results. I got 2A and 2B+/B and i'e no idea. My CGPA is only 3.83. currently

I wants to know,is there anyone out there do listen to me? *gasp* My friends seems so happy with their results although they got a result not as good as mine but why i just couldn't? Am i too demanding myself to be the best? I don't know,in fact,i wishes i could be best but not til among the bes,just one of them !I hate to fail myself. But i did. I ain't perfect somehow im craving myself to be more or less perfect. Friends were kept their finger crosses just to atleast pass their exam but i amn't.I was not aimed for that Obviously.... apparently... normally...!! I'm not wants to pass ONLY. You would have no idea with my self-expectation and it could easily shocks you to the max. See,how crazy am i? I felt guilty since i unable to reache my target. I'm just stupid. I'm not show off kind but i just myself to be good and best. Im just me. I'm an ordinary human same as uols but i've nothing in the end. Improvement is TOO obviously needed,avoid to lag behind of others. And i'm trying and i tries.... Despite mad and angry not to mention, Pissed off !!

Was sad these few days. Like i posted in my Facebook, these few days hasn't been easy for me. I've plenty problems and i'm too green to handle these all. I just couldn't. I'm pretending to draw a BIG SMILES at my face wistfully but you would never know how LOL is my face. And i'm quite paranoid nowadays. I don't know. I couldn't understanding myself like i did before,previously. I've been missing my self-confidence. I've full trustness in myself once in awhile but so obviously its not now. Just couldn't catch my breath soon enough to respond back to myself. I said it in a disparaging tone now to myself.

And now,i could completely sidetracked =)

My life wasn't filled with sadness 24/7 cuz somehow i might have my happy hours when im clicking with my craziest frends,chatted,laughed and joked...

I met one frend that cares and nice to me. But sometime i could so disappointed as well as this friend of mine is cold that makes me could hardly figured out. I tries to know more about this friend but i just failed. I feels like we have a lil variances.Was trying to dislodge my stupid feeling of suspicion, and im trying and trying and trying.... I havent generate any answer yet for myself. I couldn't fathorn this friend's interest or mindset or passion since is a kind of cold and i felt angry or mad or disappointed or tired whenever we're in communicating BUT its just stand for awhile. And ya, this friend still my special one. I'm BAD, so bad and I know! =)


My 5th semester is running now and i'm progressing my semester, Hopes that it walks swiftly and peace..