Its hard to crave what we want?

It hasn't been easy for me these few days. I don't know why. Its been a long time people say things about what is behind my back, people will always find something weird in me, of me and about me. I 've nothing to say cuz i don't know what else i could say and what to respond. To be frank, we could hardly control others' mouth. They say what they wanted to say and i accepted and digested. I don't know why, but ya, sometimes i found that where life tends to be the way of how we wanted it to be. Seriously. And, i have a big picture in mind although i try kinda hard to not too dwell on it.I hopes , miracles would emerged one day. I'm a melodramatic guy before this but now, i changed. I've no idea with it tho but i know i've changes alots.

My mind was at sixes and seven. I so confused and i've been thinking alots. I wonder howcome my small cranium could stored such zillion of things.

I blog this entry, just wants to write it down to release what i feel inside. Finally i exploded.

Tell you, my first love took me 8 years but we weren't date in the first 6years. Pity? I'm silly. I'm stupid to have a relationship like this. A gurl i loved the most and she was my first love. People do say, first love is unforgettable.We created a lot of sweet memories back in the days.I have to admit it. True. But it ended up just like this in the end! Like what? Like a story without an ending but in fact, the screne shown 'THE END''. I dont think its the ideal version which people craving for. Me? Everything seemed ungovernable. I'm STUPID enough.

I believe in love at first sight. Is anyone out there believe the existence of love at first sight? I love you since i met you. I could hardly falling in love with anyone.

I found one who are so important in my life now CURRENTLY. I never thought that i could fallen in love such deep. I cant help. I miss you everyday every hour even minutes. I cant get you out of my mind eventhough i'm studying, driving, sleeping.... I know we're from different timeline but i don't care much. I want you. Ever since i know you, i couldn't have a nice sleeping time. I cant fall asleep because i keep thinking of you and i saw a shadow outside my window and was you. It was a dream. I stored all the texts you sent me,read again and again. It makes me smiled blissfully. Somehow, I'm young as i'm still 19y/o, i might be not mature enough to get any relationship but my heart is pain when i think of you. I love you, truly deeply i say this. I'm not the kind who can flirting here and there and fishing others simultaneously. Sorry i'm not.

I need to hid everything in my real life. Always being sigh-ing isn't good to myself so does humans around me. I love you just like the way i love myself or it just more than i can say. I guess myself, will agree enthusiastically. The way you smiles and laughs even when you talked to me, you're melting my heart. I'm so hopeless to get fairy-tale's love. I know its impossible for me to have one. You would never know, i miss you like crazy sometimes even myself have no idea how to allevaite it from aggravating.

I miss everything of you because you're good in everything,i need to point out. Its just insuperable. Usually brightness will become a tool to wake myself up every morning from my window. Open both of my eyes and i'll definitely checking my phone's status, it becomes my routine. Waiting for ur message. We are not really so in sms-ing. Sometime you might reply me late or suddenly lost contact or fell asleep without telling me and making me stayed up late just to wait for ur reply, but i'm still happy. Waited for no reason but i still managed to persuade myself to not get angry. I really do. Sometimes i emo, i mused, i pictured ,but it was YOU, appears in my mind. Too many things can easily remind me of you. The songs you like, the jokes we made.......

I pity myself , am i clapping one hand all the way by myself or i just a carefree that u'll never think of? I've no comment if you are thinking that way, due to i'm not nice people and i'm not rich, i am not attractive and i'm suck. Paranoid swept over me again. And ya, i was trying to dislodge all the stupid feeling of mine. I tried but its hard.I don wanna get maim in the end, no one will synpathize! Failed to saporific myself to get rid stupidness of mine, i need some helps. I'm getting deeper in love obliviously, honestly.

I've a nightmare of love. I've phobia. Now, my love is here for you. Is there any prescription to perpetuate my strong feeling toward you?? I don't wanna miss my feeling. I want it being insusceptible.

Its my purest of love. I say it, i meant it . Thanks for entering my life. I smiles everyday but only myself know, i'm quite LOL inside....